


Satellite Call

by IsleofSolitude



Series: all I'm ever gonna do Is send shivers down that spine of yours [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, For the most part, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 07:48:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14588361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofSolitude/pseuds/IsleofSolitude
Summary: Set after Infinity War. Thor needs to see if Jane lives...or not.





	Satellite Call

Wakanda’s air was pure, breathtaking, with fragrances that blended gently but headily in a simple bouquet.

It choked Thor, tasted like ash and smoke and blood and failure.

Or maybe that was just the terror.

* * *

 

Thanos had disappeared, and it took too many heartbeats for Thor to lift his head and see the chaos around him: The screaming, the grief, the blood streaks with no one laying near them, the absent of too many who should be standing together.

* * *

_ He had stumbled to Natasha, gripped her shoulder. She didn’t take her eyes off, t where Steven knelt, looking at the dirt on his fingers. _

_ “Please.” Thor croaked out. “Please….” _

_ She looked at him, and he had been able to only whisper a name, and she had understood, her own fear reflecting with his.  _

_ It was only hours later, after regrouping in Wakanda’s halls, that Rhodey came to him. “This is her last known address.” _

_ Thor thanks him, and arrangements are made before he takes to the skies. _

* * *

The wind feels chill against his false eye, but he only speeds up as he flies through the night. The stars are reflecting on the water below him, and he can’t help but remember the last time he saw her, back when Ragnarok was just a nightmare he could wake up from, and her mouth against his was a certainty.

_ He traced constellations down her throat, and her eyes closed, as she moaned his name. The snow was deep against the glass in their dwelling, and the sky was aglow even at night. Jane clutched at his shoulders, and they moved together silently, all their words having been spoken earlier, and knowing that time was short, that they were at a brink of everything changing, and had to savor what they could before then. _

* * *

He lands roughly but solidly, and eyes the small flat. This was her last known location, according to S.H.I.E.L.D. 

His faith in Fate has taken a solid blow today, but he walks to the door nonetheless, noting the lights. He knocks but there’s no answer. 

The door could have been unlocked, or he could have broken it, he has no recollection of how he transitions to inside, but he is in, and spots three cups of cooled coffee on the coffee table. 

He stops breathing.

But there’s still the sound of breathing to guide him, and he follows it across the room and through another open door, and into a darkened bedroom.

Jane sleeps, half covered by a blanket, and Thor can only manage a few more steps before he sinks to his knees in relief. He takes in the sight of her--from her pale skin to her listless hair, and notes the tear tracks on her cheeks.

He doesn’t know how long he is there before her eyes are opening--he must have made a noise?--and another fear grips him as their eyes meet, another sense of unknown.

Thor and Jane were once on the same page on everything, but that was many, many chapters ago, and his world has already been torn apart too many times to guess where they stand now.

His fears are laid to rest though, as she seems to mouth his name and half sits up. “You’re here…” (her voice is just as wonderful as ever, and he feels his heart stutter) She lifts the blanket and shifts closer to the wall, and Thor quickly sheds his armor and his boots and accepts her offer. If he smells of sweat or war or flight, she does not mention it, simply drapes the blanket over him as he lays, and twines her fingers with his as she lays her head back on the pillow.

They study each other, and her fingers are restless against his. They run over his palm and wrist and change their grip every few heartbeats, but he relishes it. 

“Your hair is short.” And it’s not a question and it’s not a statement, but somewhere in the middle.

His first instinct is a quip, “Casualty of war”, but there have been too many deaths for that to be a joke, and he softly responds, “I had little choice in it.”

Her hands tighten on his, and she shifts just enough for him to share her pillow. This close, he can see that the stars in her eyes, that light and passion, are dimmed, and he feels a slash of pain as sharp as anything else that happened in the last several hours cut into him.

But he knows her, better than anyone, and as they breathe in the dark, he realizes that she’s not completely lost, not completely despairing…

He’s spent enough time with her in her labs to be familiar with what her brain looks like when it’s processing. 

There’s a lot of data to go through.

* * *

The moments drift by, and he’s not sure if Jane sleeps or not, but they stay silent and still. Thor knows he needs to get up, but Jane’s hair is close enough for him to breathe it in, and her hands are latched to him, and he can’t bring himself to let go.

It’s approaching sunrise when she shifts again, and he shifts instinctively with her before he realizes he doesn’t have that right anymore. He remembers the three coffee cups, and feels the bile rise in his throat.

This was his fault.

* * *

He tries to block out the noises as the city comes alive, comes together in their horror, their terror.

Never had Thor wished so badly to lose his sense.

Jane can hear it too, he guesses, as she she finally pulls her hands from his, smoothing her hair down and motioning him to shift so she can move off the bed. She disappears into another door, and Thor sits, trying not to throw up as there’s a wailing from a neighboring room. He types out a brief message on the phone he was provided as a distraction.

The light gets flicked on, and he blinks against it as he focuses on the scientist. Jane wraps her arms around herself as she shifts from side to side, and he tilts his head questioningly.

“When you go back to...where ever you are going, can I…?” Her voice has trailed off and the last few words are teeny tiny and Thor feels her pain as solidly as he felt any punch from the fight. “Can I go with you? Please?”

He doesn’t have to think or deliberate his answer. “Of course.” 

Jane exhales in relief, but her arms stay tight around her. “Okay, good.” 

Thor hates that he has to ask, but he does… “....Darcy…?”

Flinching, Jane manages to shake her head. “She..she and Erik were here.” There’s a pause, then-- “I was on the phone with my mom…” 

This time he flinches and he drops his head in his hands. The guilt is threatening to choke him, and he feels closer to ever to throwing up. “Jane…” He struggles to speak. “I’m so sorry.” 

Her voice is sharp but kind. “Don’t, this isn’t your fault--”

“But it is! I…” His voice is booming in their fragile space, and he can’t help but feel as though it’s one more thing to feel guilty about. “I could have, Jane, I..! It was..” The words can’t come, and he feels a burning in his remaining eye as he drops his head to his hands.

He feels more than hears her footsteps, and then she kneels in front of him, gently touches his temple and runs her fingers into his hair. “Hey...Thor. Look at me.”

The first time he had met the rest of the Avengers, Thor had been trapped in a glass cage plummeting to the ground. Unable to find his balance, the Asgardian had been flung throughout the rotating room, smacking face and limb against the unforgiving walls, disoriented and bruised.  That feeling was the basis for what he had felt from the moment Thanos’s fingers had snapped. Then the repercussions became more and more clear, and Thor had as he had in that moment, only a thousand times worse. 

But at the sound of his name leaving Jane’s lips, he could feel his soul say  _ oh, there _ , could feel the spinning slow, and feel as though his feet were firmly solid to the ground again. The rushing in his ears faded, and he lifted his face to hers, despite the weight on his shoulders.

Her brown eyes were softer than he deserved as she let her thumb move slowly against his skin. “There you are. Now, breathe, slowly.”  

Never had he been able to deny her anything, so Thor tried. 

“Good, good. Just like that. In and out..” She waited until his breathing was steady again and the color back in his face before she spoke. “I...don’t know what happened. But I know you, Thor, I know that you fought hard, and that used everything in your ability.” She shot a glance to the weapon he had, biting her lip against the questions that threatened to flood out of her. “I’ll listen, Thor, you know I will, but if you don’t want to talk I understand. But please...don’t let yourself drown in guilt…”

He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. “Jane. It  _ is _ my fault. I had Thanos, Jane. I had him. I had struck true.” He let out a hollow, harsh laugh. “I’m a fool, always the fool. I do not know if I struck true or if I changed my strike to gloat, to allow my grief to get it’s allowance.” He had replayed the moment in his mind so many times, but his mind was hyper fixated during the battle and he did not know: had he aimed at all for the head or the arm, and if so had he just wanted Thanos to know who struck the blow?  “I let it happen, Jane. I had my chance to end it, and I failed.” The warrior bowed his head. “It’s all my fault.”

Jane pushed through his arms and set one hand on his chest. “No, no, Thor, stop. You can’t say that.”

A part of Thor feels glad that she is blindly defending him, but he knows she is wrong, and gently points out, “As you said, Jane, you don’t know what happened.”

She pokes him, gently. “No, I don’t. That’s true.” She stands and pulls away, and Thor almost cries out, but she is settling in on the bed again, back against the pillows. “Then why don’t you tell me?”

He looks at her. “I...there is a lot to tell you.”

She laughs bitterly. “Thor. We’ve survived the fucking end of the world, haven’t we? I think we can find the time.” There’s a sob buried in her words, and so he faces her and begins to speak.

* * *

He speaks of finding a sister, a brother, and losing his home. He speaks of finding Banner, and a Valkeyrie, and losing Mjölnir. His words falter as he speaks of the fight against Thanos, of Heimdall’s last act of defiance, of Loki’s eyes, of the explosion and Thor’s rescue. He can’t seem to find the words to speak of everything, and there are times he stops and has to move on, but Jane doesn’t seem to mind, just listens. He tries to focus on her, but has to drop his eyes to her hands, afraid of what he’ll see in her eyes.

By the end of his tale, his emotions are as raw as his throat.  “And now I’m here.” He raises his eyes to her face nervously and spreads his hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Thor.” Jane exhales. “That doesn’t even...I mean...You’ve lost…” She reaches out to grab his hand, but then hesitates. A feather light touch later and her hand is pulled back to her knees. 

He’s so numb he barely feels his heart break a little more at that.

“Still, even after everything, I stand by what I said.”

Thor’s head shoots up, locking in on her incredulously. “What?”

“You can’t blame yourself.”

“I wanted Thanos to know it was me. I wanted him to know that justice was being done. And...now…” He stares at her, lost, but feeling the shame and guilt slowly simmer into anger at her words.

She squares her shoulders, straightens. “Thor, you lost everyone and everything you loved. You lost your home and your friends and your family. And then you found a way to keep fighting despite your losses.”

“Thanos won!” It’s his turn to let out a bitter laugh. “I talked of fate like a fool and how I would find a way to kill, and he won. Just like that!” And Thor snaps his fingers, feeling sick at the noise. 

“We don’t know who all is gone, and who fought him, we need more information before--, no listen! We need--”

“I failed once, and Loki and Heimdall and my people paid that price. And then I fought and failed again.”

“Thor--!”

“It’s my fault that Darcy and Erik and your mother are gone!”

Jane makes a noise like a wounded animal, and Thor feels the bile in his throat. Tears are in her eyes and her expression is fierce as she glares at him.

“You listen to me, Thor Odinson.” Her voice is quiet but strong, and he feels every cell of his being yearn for her. “Thanos terrorized the whole universe, from what I gather. And there were many, many people who fought him, right? And now, some of those people are gone.” Jane swallows hard, but continues. “And Thanos is gone, somewhere. But you, you’re alive. And don’t you mock Fate, I know you believe in that like some people believe in Gods, so don’t you let Thanos take that from you too. Because you are still here, Thor, you are still here when so many people are gone, and yeah, you fought Thanos twice, but as long as you’re here you’re going to keep fighting and it’s  _ not your fault _ , Thor. What happened to Loki and Heimdall and Darcy and Erik and whoever else disappeared  _ is not your fault. _ ” 

Her eyes are aglow with her passion as she rambles at him, and Thor can’t look away, can’t even breathe. 

“Thanos is the only one to blame, Thanos and whatever bastards follow him. You fought, and you fight, and you will win, you will make him  _ pay _ .” 

He has never felt his voice so weak. “How do you know?”

“Because I know  _ you,  _ Thor. Because I know your heart. And I know that whatever else happens, you’ll find a way.”

His heart beats, and he reaches out, pulls Jane into his lap and wraps himself around her, buries his head into her neck and breathes her in, feels the first semblance of peace in what feels like forever as she shivers against him, as her hands settle around his shoulders, as she gathers him closer to her.

Jane is often right, but he’s lucky in this one respect that she’s wrong. He has lost almost everything he loves, but he still has her.

It's everything. 


End file.
